Hey sizzler samplers!

I’m on my way to Cincinnati this morning, and I just wanted to poke my head in your in-box to tell you about a few things off the top of my head:

1. I was on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last week. It was fun. Jimmy’s a really nice guy. He even let me stay for the cooking segment, where I chimed in with TWO JOKES. If you missed it, you can watch it here on Hulu.

2. What’s Hulu?

3. I’m returning to The Bob & Tom Radio Show this Friday morning. I’ll be in studio around 7 am if you’re up! Haven’t seen those guys since before Sleepwalk With Me went up. Very excited.

4. I have a story running on This American Life this weekend on an episode called, “The Fall Guy.” In my story, I play “The Fall Guy.”

5. A lot of people have been asking me what’s going to happen with Sleepwalk with Me – some people missed it, some want to see it again, etc. Well, I’m doing two things right now: I’m writing a book for Simon & Schuster tentatively called “Sleepwalk With Me and Other Stories.” And I’m working a screenplay adaptation of the show. I may tour Sleepwalk at some point or reprise it in New York. But for now, I’m writing and returning to my stand-up roots this fall on my “I’m in the Future Also” Tour with Comedy Central – it’s going to like 20 or 25 awesome cities in GREAT venues. And this summer I’m working on new material at some comedy clubs for the tour and perhaps what might become my next one-man show. So that’s everything in a nut shell. All told, almost THIRTY FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE saw Sleepwalk in New York. Thank you SO MUCH for coming along on the ride and there’s a lot of exciting things to come.

Hope you’re well.

Mike Bahooski

Dear Journal,

In two weeks, “Sleepwalk with Me” closes in New York. When we started the show, we had all of this trepidation that the theater community wouldn’t “let us in,” but in the last few weeks we got nominated for a bunch of theater awards. As the cliché goes, “It was an honor just to be nominated.” And frankly I didn’t even realize I wanted to win these awards – until I showed up to the events and realized that I didn’t want to lose. Losing is a verb I’m well acquainted with. I’ve lost a lot at sports. I’ve lost at girlfriends. I’ve lost cell phones in taxicabs. It’s not fun, particularly when it’s public. Private losing is very common in my life. Every time I email someone who doesn’t write back, I’m privately losing. Every time I eat a whole pizza and then a salad without utensils because I’m too lazy to stand up during “The Real Housewives of New York City” marathon, I’m losing. But these are private affairs.

So a few weeks ago I attended the “Lucille Lortel Awards,” which honor excellence in off-Broadway. The people who run the event actually  asked me to perform at the event, which was flattering but I politely declined — I’ve done my fair share of banquet room events and they’re rarely conducive to comedy. Then they asked again. And I said no again. And then they asked again again. And at this point, I thought, “Well, if they like me this much, then maybe I’m actually going to win? Perhaps they’re trying to tell me something. In which case it’s probably rude to say no.” And besides I had this very short bit that I do in “Sleepwalk With Me” about shutting off your phones that always kills, so what’s the worst thing that can happen?

So here I am at the event surrounded by all these people I admire: Marcia Gay Harden, Jeremy Irons, Kristen Johnston, Parker Posey. And I get introduced on stage.  The voice of God said, “From Sleepwalk With Me, please welcome Mike Birbiglia.” I walked on stage to mild applause and proceeded to, as they say in highbrow circles, “eat my balls.” When I told my brother Joe this story, he said he hadn’t heard that phrase, but even if you haven’t heard it, I think you can get the idea: I was doing so poorly that it felt like I was “eating my own balls.” And I was doing the material from my show that always kills: the material from the show that was nominated by many of the people in the audience. It was like a comedy ambush. Like they got together and said, “Let’s ensnare Mike into the Marriot banquet room and when he tells his jokes we know he knows we like and then we’ll all not laugh. It’ll feel like he’s eating his own balls.” At the end of my set, I introduced the host Kristen Johnston who entered amidst my introduction and didn’t let me get to the end of the script they had prepared for me. It was her way of saying, “I had nothing to do with giving that man a microphone.”

I sat down at my table with my director and producer and my wife and everyone insisted that it went fine, but they all had these raised eyebrows and forced toothy smiles. so I was pretty sure it didn’t go fine, but I tabled it in my head.  The next morning my manager Stephanie sent me and my booking agent an email update about what happened. It said, “Fun night. Mike bombed.” And then she immediately called me and said, “I am so sorry; I meant to write ‘Mike thinks he bombed.’ Apparently she missed the “thinks he” key.

But that’s not the worst part of the story. You know how you always have to have something you tell yourself when you lose. Even if you don’t care about losing. In my case, it was easy. This was a “theater community.” They probably don’t have respect for comedians. Well the problem is that the guy who won the award is a clown. Not like, “He’s like a clown.” I mean he was raised in the Circus and is a clown. That’s like if you were gonna lose something, so you go, “They don’t respect me. They think I’m some kind of monkey.” And then they give the award to a monkey.

This week I got a letter from the organizer of the event thanking me and saying that, “the opening was great.” Maybe he had stepped out during my portion. Or maybe he hadn’t traded emails with Stephanie to get the lowdown. But looking back a few weeks later, it actually was an honor just to be nominated. Just not an honor to eat my balls moments before losing…to a clown.

Hello there,

It’s been a busy couple of months (7) and Sleepwalk With Me is ENDING.

It’s actually quite strange.

Actually, you know what’s strange? Keanu Reaves came to the show this weekend. More on that another time.

1. Awards and Things
The show is ending and I’ll be on to my next show this fall. Unexpectedly, we’ve been nominated for a Drama Desk Award, a Lucille Lortel Award, and an Outer Circle Critics Award.  How’s that for awards you may or may not have ever heard of? Pretty good, that’s how it is. I have to thank you all (and some in spirit) for supporting our little show because if you hadn’t come and laughed, no one would have. And then no one would have come the next night. And so on.  But you did, and because of you, we’re rated the number one Off-Broadway show on the reader’s poll on the New York Times. (You can still vote and make us number one…er.) Also, if you care to, you can vote for us in the 10th Annual Broadway.com Audience Awards. (we’re on page 4 after like, “best fake glasses”)

2. An Awkward 10 minutes with Eddie Izzard
So last month Eddie Izzard came to my show and then we had dinner and he’s really into Twitter and decided to do an impromptu show at the Bleecker Street Theater only announced on Twitter. Anyway, it sold out in like 5 minutes and I got to go. And then at the end, we did “An Awkward 10 Minutes” like we do at the end of Sleepwalk every Friday. Turns out someone video’d it with their phone or their beeper or their apple bong or whatever and and now’s it’s on Youtube. Enjoy. (brief background: Kevin Spacey was in the audience, which is why I reference the movie “K-Pax”)

3. Added tour dates: Cape Cod and Newport!
So listen to this: my agent Mike Berkowitz got me booked at the Cape Cod Melody Tent this summer. Which is insane because it’s the first place I ever saw stand up comedy live. I was 16 years old and I saw Steven Wright there and that’s when I decided to be a comedian. So it’s a very charged thing for me to return there and I imagine will make for an interesting show. Also, it’s kind of my hometown. My parents have lived in Cape Cod since I was 15. Anyway, you should come. Make a trip to Cape Cod. It’s beautiful there. And go to Craigville Pizza & Mexican. Those guys are serious.

Alright, this might have been too much to take in. More later.

Love-
Mike

The Big Fall Tour!

August

• 15: Newport, RI GET TICKETS NOW! 16 and over!
• 27: Hyannis, MA GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!

September

• 17: Nashville, TN GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 18: Indianapolis, IN GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 19: Chicago, IL GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 24: Saint Louis, MO GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 25: Milwaukee, WI GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 26: Minneapolis, MN GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 27: Royal Oak, MI GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 30: Madison, WI GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!

October

• 1: Columbus, OH GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 2: Lorain, OH (Cleveland) GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 3: Pittsburgh, PA Two Shows! GET TICKETS NOW! 7:00PM ALL AGES! 9:30PM 21 Years+
• 10: Washington, DC GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 16: Los Angeles, CA GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 17: San Francisco, CA GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 23: Seattle, WA GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 24: Portland, OR GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!

November

• 5: NYC Details Soon!
• 6 & 7: Boston, MA GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 13: Dallas, TX GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!
• 14: Austin, TX GET TICKETS NOW! ALL AGES!

Hello friends in America and Beyond!

Big news! This fall I’m going on a 20-city “I’m In the Future Also” tour with Comedy Central, and I want you to be there. I’ve got ALL NEW AWKWARD STORIES and 3 new pairs of pants.

September

• 17: Nashville, TN GET TICKETS NOW!
• 18: Indianapolis, IN GET TICKETS NOW!
• 19: Chicago, IL GET TICKETS NOW!
• 24: Saint Louis, MO GET TICKETS NOW!
• 25: Milwaukee, WI GET TICKETS NOW!
• 26: Minneapolis, MN GET TICKETS NOW!
• 27: Royal Oak, MI GET TICKETS NOW!
• 30: Madison, WI GET TICKETS NOW!

October

• 1: Columbus, OH GET TICKETS NOW!
• 2: Lorain, OH (Cleveland) GET TICKETS NOW!
• 3: Pittsburgh, PA Two Shows! GET TICKETS NOW! 7:00PM 9:30PM
• 10: Washington, DC GET TICKETS NOW!
• 16: Los Angeles, CA GET TICKETS NOW!
• 17: San Francisco, CA GET TICKETS NOW!
• 23: Seattle, WA GET TICKETS NOW!
• 24: Portland, OR GET TICKETS NOW!

November

• 5: NYC Details Soon!
• 6 & 7: Boston, MA GET TICKETS NOW!
• 13: Dallas, TX GET TICKETS NOW!
• 14: Austin, TX GET TICKETS NOW!

When I am actually in space, I keep my visor down.

I’ve read your emails, Facebook messages, Twitters and faxes, I tried to add every city you asked*, but for god sakes, I’m only one man, floating in space.

I’ll see you this fall, America!

mike birbiglia

* Denver, I will get there, I promise.

**Hold tight, New York, I’ll keep you posted!

Dear friends in the NY Metro Area as well as America,

1. Just a quick special announcement about this Saturday’s “Sleepwalk With Me” shows. After both shows, I’ll be welcoming Ira Glass from “This American Life” to join me on stage for an “Awkward 10 Minutes With Mike.” Last time with Ira was hilarious and this one should be great as well. Ira will be there with a film crew from his Emmy-Award winning Showtime television show, filming me on stage telling a bonus story. so you’ll be a part of history. Not the history in books, but the history on “wikipedia.”  These shows should sell out, so please get your tickets now.

2. This Month on April 23rd, you can see me at 400 movie theaters across America for a special “This American Life Live.” To find out where you’re nearest theater is, go here. I’m telling an all new story that I’m really proud of and tickets will sell out, so get your tickets now. No, now. Then!

3. The show’s been extended through June 7th!!!! But that’s it, so get your tickets now. I need to take the summer off to prepare an all new show for my Fall tour! Also, you might enjoy this video we shot for Broadway.com.

good bye good bye good bye good bye!
mike b

Hello guardians of email,

A couple of quick things:

1. Sleepwalk with Me has been extended through June 7th! The shows are Friday, Saturday & Sunday – and they’ve been packed, so get tickets soon if you want to come.

2. This Friday we have a special “Awkward 10 Minutes” with one of my favorite actors, Will Forte from Saturday Night Live. Don’t miss that.

3. I’m coming to Los Angeles for 2 shows only April 14th and 15th at this great place called Largo. Tickets go on sale today. Please spread the word to your friends who live in California who send me hatemail because I never do shows in California. This time they’re wrong. And I’m right. So right.

And now, clipped from the pages of My Secret Public Journal…

Dear Journal,

This week I went to jury duty in the New York criminal court. Coincidentally, everyone at jury duty seems like they are criminals. And it kind of feels like you’re in the movie Clue and someone’s going to come out and say, “One of you has committed a MURDER! And today we’re going to figure out who it is! Was it the crazy lady in the parrot tee shirt standing by the coffee/soup maker machine? Or is it the extremely old man guy who clearly doesn’t speak English asking the proctor questions in a language no one understands?”

I think it’s because I’m a little afraid of the cops. I think maybe because of their limited power and no rules. When I was just out of college I borrowed my friend Brian’s car to emcee at a comedy club in Ocean Township, New Jersey called Rascals. The trip cost me about $50 in gas and tolls – which is exactly how much they paid me. It was a break-even proposition, which was perfect because I was broke. It kept me at even.

So I was driving down the ramp towards the Lincoln tunnel and really just keeping with the speed of traffic and I get waved over by a cop. He explains that I was speeding, which was confusing because I had just been going the same speed as everyone else. So I ask what the speed limit was and he said 25. And I laughed a little. And I could tell by how perfectly still his moustache remained that he didn’t think it was funny. And he asked for my license. And I took it out. And I realized at that moment that it had expired weeks ago.

So he takes the license, walks back to his cruiser and does whatever cops do at their cruisers; stretch out their hamstrings, text message their girlfriends, buy the CHIPS box set on DVD on Amazon. And when he returns to the car he asks me, “Do you know that your license is suspended?”

Now I didn’t know what the term suspended meant. I knew it was expired. So I said, “Yea…I mean no…I mean, what’s suspended?” Well, whatever I said must have reminded him of his girlfriend he beat up earlier that day because he said, “Please step out of the car.” And I said, “Why?” Well I guess this was no time to be Annie Lennox, because he pulled me out, pushed me up against the car, and handcuffed me. That’s when I thought, “This seems serious.”

So I’m sitting in the back of the cruiser for about 20 minutes. I don’t know what the cop could be doing: checking his email, soliciting gay sex on Craigslist, re-reading “The Bell Curve.” Well, I’m a bit claustrophobic and fidgety, so I don’t do too well in the backs of police cruisers in handcuffs. I remember I had an itch on my neck and I try to scratch it against the door handle, which kind of looked like I was trying to “Houdini” my way out of the handcuffs.

Eventually the cop came back and drove me to the police station. When I check in, they made me take out my shoelaces. You know, so I wouldn’t hang myself for feeling so bad about the whole suspended license incident. The officer took my photo and then took an extra one for himself after he found out I was comedian. He said it was just “in case I got famous.” I was flattered. At least he thought I had a shot.

Fortunately, there were no other inmates that night in the Weehawken, NJ jail. Just me and a toilet. I considered doing push-ups to get the “being in jail” vibe. I wasn’t restricted to the one phone call rule because although they took my shoelaces, they DID NOT take my cell phone. And guess who has free nights and weekends? I made a lot of calls that started with the words, “Guess who’s in jail?” mostly to friends on the west coast since it was 3 in the morning where I was.

This week I went to jury duty and it went pretty well. I got a certificate that says I don’t have to go back for 4 to 6 years. And they didn’t even arrest me for no reason. They must have done that to the lady in the parrot tee shirt.

And that concludes this week’s entry in my secret public journal.

Hey friends,

Just wanted to give you the update on Sleepwalk With Me.

When we opened the show in October, I figured it was going to last a couple of months, a few people would come, and that would be it. But as it turns out, when people keep showing up, you can keep running the show. So now we’re approaching April and the show is stronger than ever. A lot of people are just finding out about the show and a lot of people are coming AGAIN – which is amazing. So THANK YOU.

Every week we do a post-show segment called “An Awkward 10 Minutes With Mike” where we have a special guest discuss the show, tell their own stories, and mumble incoherently. We’ve had Nathan Lane, Ira Glass, Zach Galifianakis, and Matthew Broderick, among others – this week, we have one of my favorite comedic actors, Will Forte. You might know Will from Saturday Night Live – he’s the star of two of my favorite SNL sketches in the last few years: “The Falconer” and “MacGruber.”

So if you haven’t seen the show, Friday seems like as good a time as ever. And if you’ve seen it already, why not visit us again? We’re near my favorite pizzeria: Arturo’s.

Exciting tour news coming soon…

Don’t stop believin’ -
The Notorious L.I.A

Hey friends,

I have a new journal, but first a couple exciting notes:

1. Going on tour this Fall! It’s a 28 city tour with Comedy Central that I’m announcing soon – so if you have friends who want to get pre-sale updates, have them sign up here for the journal or sign up to follow me on Twitter and I’ll let you know every time I brush my teeth.

2. I’m telling a new story as part of “This American Life Live” – which is being shot in NYC and beamed to theaters across this fine nation April 23rd…find out more here.

3. Sleepwalk With Me has extended until June 7th! This is very strange and not a scenario I imagined, but more and more people are coming out – so find out what they’re talking about. and if you already have, do me a huge favor and write a review on the Onion’s recommendation website.

And now a quick story from my journal…

Dear Journal,

We’re approaching month 5 of “Sleepwalk With Me” and we’ve had over 20,000 people come to the show. A large percentage of these people enjoyed the show.  A small percentage of them fell asleep.

Maybe it’s that theater-goers are generally older or that my show attracts people with sleep disorders like narcolepsy. Or maybe they just ate a large bowl of pasta with sauce made of warm milk and Ambien. Or maybe it’s time to give up this whole comedy thing altogether and investigate mortgage-backed securities. Everyone seems to be talking about those!

But people actually fall asleep regularly during my show. And what’s strange is: I can see them. It’s not like I’m a movie screen. I’m a person with eyes and large ears and a hockey ass and I can see them falling asleep while I’m talking. And it’s not that adorable way you fall asleep on the phone in 7th grade describing your crush on your English teacher Mrs. Patterson. It’s like that awful way where you tell Mrs. Patterson you love her and she starts snoring and drooling.

I think it’s a little unfair, because I should be the one who gets to fall asleep, as the show is about my sleep-disorder. Some nights I’m on stage thinking, “You know what I could go for? A nap.” And I look down and someone’s already beat me to the punch. I’m like, “That was MY idea, you hack!” I mean, I understand how sleeping might come to mind with the subject, but people didn’t bring their cats to the musical Cats, and if they did, they would be chased out by seeing-eye dogs.

Last week an even stranger thing happened: an audience member kept walking out of the theater during the show. And then he’d return. And then he’d leave again. And I thought, “Make up your mind. Either you hate the show or you don’t.” I didn’t say that out loud, though I thought it angrily while delivering some other lines. I later asked our producer Eli why the guy kept leaving and he explained that the man had fainted during the show because he has a rare medical condition where he faints when he hears medical terms. Eli explained to him that he shouldn’t go back in because there would be two more stories about medical situations and the guy said, “No, I have to see the show.” Then he went back in and fainted again. And then he came back out. And Eli said, “Sir, you really shouldn’t go back in there.” And the guy said, “I’m dying to see this show.” And Eli said, “Sir, you really may die if you see the rest of the show- as the final story takes place in a hospital.” Guy goes back in. Faints again. Doesn’t die. But does come up to me to thank me afterwards. Turns out he loved the show. If I had to guess, I would bet he also enjoyed The Diving Bell and The Butterfly and the amputation scene from Requiem for a Dream.

But that’s the strangest part with the fainting guy and with the people who fall asleep, they are always the first people who come up to me and tell me how much they liked the show. And what’s weird is, I’m starting to believe them. I asked my director about this and he said, “People enjoy things in different ways. Maybe these people liked the combination of part of your show and part of a nap. Maybe that’s what they needed.”

At first I thought that was insane, but it made me think of things like that in my life where I enjoy things differently than other people and everyone thinks I’m crazy- like my wife and I don’t like parties so we had our wedding at City Hall. I don’t like fancy restaurants. I prefer to eat at Big Nick’s on my corner because they serve both pizza AND hamburgers. And when I was in high school, my parents took my family on a trip to Italy. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit my roots and I fell asleep on a pew inside the Sistine Chapel with my backpack as a pillow. I wasn’t doing it because I hate Michelangelo. I did it because I was tired. And when I got home to Shrewsbury and my friends asked me how Italy was? I said, “It was AMAZING.”

Thanks to everyone who’s come out to see Sleepwalk With Me. More than 20,000 people have seen it. But only 250 people can see Wednesday’s show, when stage and screen supa-star Matthew Broderick stops by for a chat. I will try and act like this stuff happens every day. Get tickets!

CHECK ME OUT ON LETTERMAN!!!

Hey Oscar-nominated email subscribers!

Just a quick update about places you can see and hear me this week:

1. I did a story for the Valentine’s episode of This American Life called “Somewhere Out There.” It’s an extremely embarrassing story and is available as a free podcast on iTunes!

2. Tuesday A.M. I’ll be returning to The Bob & Tom Show. It’s my first year missing the Bahamas trip, so there’s much to catch up on. Maybe a new entry in my secret journal?

3. Last week I was on The Bonnie Hunt Show.  Bonnie was very sweet and hilarious and the Youtube clips are awkward then funny.

4. On Thursday I’m on Talk of the Nation on NPR. How will it go? Who knows, but you can call and make it better. Here’s the number: 800.989.8255. I’m on at 3:30 pm EST-ish.

5. On Friday night you can see me on The Late Show with David Letterman doing some material from Two Drink Mike and Sleepwalk with Me. I’ll be wearing a suit like it’s my first communion.

6. Two of my funniest friends have new TV shows. Demetri Martin has “Important Things” on Comedy Central and Jon Glaser has “Delocated” on Adult Swim about a guy in the witness protection program who has a reality show. Don’t miss these. Or if you miss them, TiVo them and then watch them without commercials.

7. Sleepwalk With Me continues! We’re going through March 22nd – so get your tickets 2 hours ago! This Wednesday for “Awkward 10 minutes” we have Michael Ian Black from The State, Stella, and “I love the various decades.”

All my love in a post-racial society-
Mike Birbiglia